slow down, please

she is so independent these days. she will spend hours on the floor just rolling, rocking on all fours, scootching her way towards the dog, and exploring every inch of her little world. every once in a while she will look up to make sure i am still here or whine to make sure i am paying attention to her extraordinary feats. she's only 6 months old (7 months on tuesday!), yet, sometimes i forget how much she needs me still. i am always there when she needs to eat or be changed. i am there when she bumps her head or is scared by a loud noise. i am there for a cuddle & kisses all day long. but i forget that she still needs to be held close for no reason. she needs to feel the rhythm of my breathing like she did when she was growing inside of me. she needs to feel the warmth of my body & know that she is safe & protected. my little girl is growing up too quickly... let me never forget that she will always need her mommy.

yesterday, we sat on the floor folding laundry. a game of peek-a-boo with the dish towels as our entertainment. she leaned down as if she was going to scoot away & then changed her mind. she teetered for a second & then TaDa! she sat up all by herself! my eyes filled with tears as i watched her latest accomplishment. it may seem like no big deal to some, but my joy in her new feat is mixed with the sorrow that my baby is growing up far too quickly.

la familia

i take so much for granted. i do not make enough effort with the people that i love. i am blessed to come from a very large family & most of them had never even met my daughter until yesterday.

growing up i went through a very selfish stage (as most adolescents do). i decided i wanted nothing to do with my extended family. they did nothing but disappoint me & i was done with them all. my mom is the youngest of 9 children, so if you figure in all of their children & even some grandchildren, i was ignoring quite a few people.

after my daughter was born i had an awakening. i have an amazing family. i have dozens of relatives who love me & would do anything for me. i have an amazing heritage to pass down to my daughter.

yesterday was my uncle david's 64th birthday. he has been in increasingly poor health the past few years & his family threw him a beautiful surprise party. it was just like the get-together's from my childhood. tons of relatives, some who i have not seen in years, some who i've always known but could never figure out how we are related (are you my great aunt or my 2nd cousin?). there were half a dozen new babies for the older ones to adore. there was a crappy d.j. playing the music way too loud & even a mariachi band to end the evening.

i am blessed to give this gift of family to my daughter. she will have dozens of cousins to play with & even more 2nd & 3rd cousins to watch her grow up. she will have kisses from great aunts & uncles & stories of great grandparents that she will never meet.

we will stop taking our families for granted because at the end of it all, this is who we are. this is where we came from.

ZZZZZZZZZZ's

the human body is truly an amazing thing. before i got pregnant i required at least 9 hours of sleep a night to function well. then of course, i was blessed with a lousy sleeper. i have not had 3 hours of consecutive sleep in the last month & somehow i manage. you would think penny would be crabby all day with such little sleep but she is a very happy little girl.

people are constantly questioning my methods of "sleep training" & i am constantly hearing "she isn't sleeping through the night, YET?" please. like penny is the only baby that is a bad sleeper.

i am confident that we are doing the best we can & hopefully, one day (soon), she will find her rhythm & realize that life is so much better after a good night's rest. and until that blissful day, at least i have a sweet, cuddly baby girl to brighten my days.

back to me

i was inspired by an old friend to start blogging. i wrote in my journals faithfully from the age 0f 11 until the time my hubby & i first started dating... and then for some reason i just stopped. i spent years retelling the highs & lows, the heartache & love lost, the overwhelming joy & release of fears... & then just stopped. the most important stage of my life began & i stopped telling my story...

i married a wonderful man 4 1/2 yrs ago. life has been bliss since that day. then 6 months ago i gave birth to our beautiful daughter, penelope lucy. our little pennylu. doesn't that moment deserve to be frozen in time?

i have learned to be a wife & now a mother & have found this is all i have wanted in my life. but somehow i have lost a bit of me. i guess it's the natural course of things, but now as i'm settling nicely into this life, i want to find more of me.

i want the clarity that writing can bring. i want to learn & grow so one day i can teach my daughter to do the same. i want my husband to remember why he chose me. i want to remember why i used to crave solitude. i want to be refreshed & bring joy to my family.